Universal Media Review No. 1

And now for something completely different...

One thing I've realized about traveling for a long time is that you have plenty of opportunities to catch up on your reading. I've been through about 4 books (and 2 movies) since I arrived in NZ, so I figured I would take a moment to critique them in a little segment I like to call...

...UNIVERSAL MEDIA REVIEW!!!

I'll describe each bit of media briefly, provide some commentary, and then assign a "Universality Factor," on a scale from 1 to 1o, 1 being the least universal, 10 being the most. The more universal the better, of course.

Book One: The Beach by Alex Garland

You may recognize this book by its Hollywood adaptation, starring Leonardo DiCaprio. I never saw the movie, but I seem to remember hearing that it sucked. Well, as far as the book goes, I place it firmly in the "so-so" category. I was initially drawn to the book because it's about a group of 20-something backpackers in Thailand. While stuck on the infamous Khao San Road in Bangkok, the protagonist stumbles across, somewhat cheesily, a handwritten map drawn by the enigmatic Mr. Duck, who constantly mumbles about "that *$&#ing beach" right up until he mysteriously commits suicide. A tale of adventure and intrigue then unfolds as the protagonist and his intrepid French cohorts search for, and find, the beach. What follows is a traditional "paradise lost"-style narrative, with hints of Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness or, more recently, the film Apocalypse Now (minus those wily VC and Marlin Brando). All in all, I give it a Universality Factor of 6.

Book Two: Once Were Warriors by Alan Duff

This book tells of the plight of a Maori family, the Heke's, living in an infamous New Zealand subdivision (read: ghetto) called Pine Block. Led by the well-intentioned but self-destructive matriarch Beth Heke, the family struggles with poverty, domestic abuse, street gangs, and other plights. Being from the USA and having already read a fair amount of fiction and nonfiction about the numerous American ghettoes (There Are No Children Here, etc.), it was interesting to hear about the NZ counterpart. The book was a little difficult to read in spots, as it switches between 3rd person narration, 1st person musings, and dialogue, on a whim, often without any helpful clues like, say, quotation marks. Still, an enjoyable read, and an interesting contrast to the sugar-coated view of the Maori put forth by NZ tourism organizations. Universality Factor: 8.

Book Three: A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson

This is, by no small margin, the most readable nonfiction book I have ever laid eyes on. Basically, it is an expansive rough guide to science (chemistry, physics, biology, geology) from the beginning of the universe right up through modern humans. Sounds ambitious, huh? Well, I really have to give credit to Mr. Bryson...he has taken a ridiculous amount of exceedingly complex material, reduced it down to the Cliff's Notes level, and presented it in an entertaining and accessible way. Hell, even slack-jawed mouth-breathers like myself can enjoy it! He accomplishes this feat partially by interspersing fascinating tales of squabbling scientists, mad eccentrics, and theoretical divas among the more weighty material, creating an engrossing human interest element. This is the first Bill Bryson book I have read, but I can assure you it will not be the last. In fact, A Short History is just so damn universal, I have to bestow upon it a Universality Factor of 9.

Book Four: Stupid White Men by Michael Moore

Alright, let the groaning and eye-rolling begin. I picked this book up for free at a hostel's book exchange because, as you can imagine, I was desperate for something to read at the moment. It's a typical Michael Moore rant: heavy on polemic and hyperbole, light on substance. Each chapter can typically be reduced to controversial but easy-to-swallow nuggets such as: "Rich people suck," "Kill Whitey" (that's the actual title of one of the chapters), "Men are pigs," and so on. Now, I typically identify myself as a fairly "progressive" person, and a lot of my political leanings fall to the left of center. On the continuum of American politics, I probably qualify as a solid liberal. Even so, I just cannot stomach Moore's knee-jerk reaction of blaming "the usual suspects" (i.e., rich, white men) for all of society's ills. It's just too easy. He sees white, the prototypical Christian fundamentalist WASPs see black, and all the shades of grey in between go unnoticed (but for the valiant efforts of the Knights of Truth at Your Thoughts Exactly). I might be able to handle all this if the book were actually funny, as the endorsements on the cover trumpet: "The angrier Moore gets, the funnier he gets!" Uh, no. The angrier he gets, the more he grates on my nerves, the less sense he makes, and the more I feel like I need a stiff drink. Universality Factor: 3.

Movie 1: Maria Full of Grace

I saw this Colombian film at Arrowtown's overpriced but sumptously comfortable Dorothy Brown's Cinema. It's the story of Maria Alvarez, a 17-year-old Colombian girl, who tires of her job at a rose plantation and decides to become an international drug runner. She ingests a batch of cocaine-filled pellets and hops on an airliner from Bogota to New York. Of course, everything goes wrong along the way, and she is forced to use her wits and cunning to survive the streets of NYC. A typical drug film in a lot of ways, but I still enjoyed it. In fact, for reasons that I don't quite understand, I almost always tend to enjoy drug films. (No, Mom, it's not because I'm on drugs). This one deserves a Universality Factor of 7.

Movie 2: Closer

Okay, last review. I saw this one with an English film nut named Andy that I met in Queenstown. It's about two men and two women whose lives constantly intertwine as they create and mercilessly destroy a series of messy, angst-ridden relationships. It seems as though they are inescapably bound to indulge every single impulsive, self-destructive libidinal urge they encounter and then describe, in excruciating detail, their misdeeds to their partners. Somehow they manage to be incredibly honest and incredibly dishonest at the same time. I get the impression that they revel in their own dysfunction. Maybe I am being a bit too harsh and judgmental here. But here's the thing: I certainly don't handle my own relationships this way, and I can honestly say that I've never met anyone who has. The first thing I thought after leaving the theater was, "When the hell am I ever going to meet somebody who acts like this?" Seriously, people like this do not exist in my little world. In the end, the movie was interesting and pretty entertaining, but I (clearly) just could not relate to or empathize with the characters. So I give it a Universality Rating of 5. (Edit: One thing this movie does have going for it is its soundtrack. Ever since I saw the film, I've had The Smiths' "How Soon is Now" in my head, and I've always liked the Damien Rice song that plays during the credits.)

That's it for now. Stay tuned for more editions of Universal Media Review in the future!